i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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