Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sex in a hospital.. check
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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