he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
