apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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