Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
