So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
FUCK WHALES
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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