i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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