You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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