Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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