chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
