woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
