oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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