Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
