Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
