hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
