no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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