Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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