pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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