Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
