The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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