omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
