ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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