A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
