Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
