My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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