She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
