When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
