at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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