I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
