Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
