we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
