Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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