is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
