and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
