nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
