While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
