so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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