Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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