I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
