I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
