You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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