I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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