nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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