his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
