why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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