when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
