i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
