So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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