i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
