You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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