for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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