Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize