Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
