Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
