he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
