Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
