mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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