Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
