shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
