I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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