She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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