ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
