Cold hands, warm shart.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
