I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
