She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
