i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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