his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
