wat bout pragnant strippers??
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
